I Should Have Known Better

From Injury Comebacks to Birdies: Lessons in Staying Present

A few weeks ago, I decided to take the game of golf up again.

My first round was awful.

Not slightly disappointing.

Not rusty.

Awful.

My body felt stiff. My swing felt unnatural. The ball seemed determined to go everywhere except where I wanted it to go.

And before I'd even finished the front nine, I was already questioning myself.

Maybe I'm too stiff nowadays.

Maybe I don't have the mobility.

Maybe I've left it too late.

Maybe I'm just not very good.

The interesting thing is that none of those thoughts were new.

I'd heard them before.

Dozens of times.

Usually after returning from injury, a holiday, or a short break during my 19-year professional football career.

Which is why I should have known better.

For some reason, whenever I came back from injury as a goalkeeper, it always seemed to take about three training sessions before I felt like myself again.

I don't know why it was three.

It just seemed to be.

The first session was usually frustrating.

Everything felt half a yard off.

My timing wasn't quite there.

My reactions felt slower.

I was trying too hard.

The second session was better.

There would be moments where I'd pull off a save and think, "There it is."

Then five minutes later I'd make a mistake and wonder where it had gone.

By the third session, things usually started to flow.

Not perfectly.

Goalkeepers don't become unbeatable.

In fact, one of the most important lessons a goalkeeper learns is that getting beaten is part of the job.

But by the third session I felt connected to my game again.

I trusted my instincts.

I reacted rather than thought.

The game felt familiar.

The funny thing is that despite experiencing this pattern over and over again throughout my career, I seemed to forget it every single time.

Every return from injury.

Every pre-season.

Every holiday.

Every break.

I expected to feel like Session Three during Session One.

And when I didn't, I started questioning myself.

Golf reminded me how easy it is to fall into exactly the same trap.

After the first round, I was judging myself against where I wanted to be rather than where I actually was.

By the second round, things were improving.

I had started watching golf lessons online.

Visualising the swing.

Trying to understand the mechanics.

There were flashes where I thought, "Where did that shot come from?"

A straight drive.

A crisp iron shot.

A putt that actually went where I intended.

The signs were there.

I just wasn't seeing them consistently enough.

Then came the third round.

I wasn't fighting the game anymore.

I wasn't forcing it.

I wasn't trying to manufacture confidence.

I was simply playing.

Looking back, I don't think the challenge was ever golf.

The challenge was my relationship with the process.

We live in a world that wants immediate results.

Immediate confidence.

Immediate improvement.

Immediate success.

But performance rarely works like that.

Whether you're returning from injury, learning a new skill, starting a new job, rebuilding confidence, or trying to improve your mental wellbeing, there is often a period where things feel uncomfortable.

A period where you don't feel yourself.

A period where you wonder whether you're getting anywhere at all.

The temptation is to fight that experience.

To judge it.

To resist it.

To assume something is wrong.

Often, nothing is wrong.

You're simply in Session One.

One of the ideas I find most useful from performance psychology is psychological flexibility.

Put simply, it's the ability to continue moving towards what matters, even when difficult thoughts and emotions show up.

The goal isn't to eliminate doubt.

The goal isn't to feel confident all the time.

The goal is to keep taking the next shot, the next step, the next training session, even when your mind is telling you otherwise.

The golf course gave me another lesson too.

During that third round, I made a birdie.

For a brief moment, golf felt easy.

I started thinking maybe I'd cracked it.

Maybe I'd worked it all out.

Maybe this game wasn't so difficult after all.

Then on the very next tee box, I hit an awful shot.

Straight back to reality.

Football was always the same.

Four clean sheets in a row.

A string of good performances.

Everything feels easy.

You start wondering if you've finally cracked the code.

Then the game humbles you.

Life tends to do exactly the same thing.

Just when we think we've got everything sorted, we're reminded that we haven't.

Perhaps that's why staying present matters so much.

Not getting too carried away when things are going badly.

But equally, not getting too carried away when things are going brilliantly.

Just staying with what is in front of you.

The next shot.

The next save.

The next conversation.

The next day.

Looking back, the lesson wasn't that I needed to get to Session Three faster.

The lesson was to stop fighting Session One.

So if you're coming back from injury, returning after a break, learning something new, or feeling frustrated that progress isn't happening quickly enough, remember this:

You might just be in Session One.

Keep going.

Trust the process.

You'll get to where you need to get to.

In the meantime, live this moment.